the elderly

Some friends and I had taken a boat to an island off the coast. the ruins we saw under the clear turquoise water were reminders of civilizations past. we stopped at the small island to see the castle on the top of the hill; however, we never entered the castle ruins. we wandered around the small island that was blooming with flowers and pomegranate trees. goats and rams were unloaded from small boats and tied up outside the small dwellings in preparation for the sacrifice the next day. as we wandered around taking in all the smells and quaint sights, an elderly lady drinking juice from a box, called us over to talk to her. She was blind and had many aches and pains that she wanted to tell someone about. I talked with her, held her hand, but refused to sit down beside her explaining that we were on a tour of her island. She was very insisted and after we left her, i was had a twinge of remorse that i did not take the time to sit and listen to her heart. i had more important things to do it seemed. we keep on walking trying to find the path that would lead us toward the docks where we could sit and enjoy a cup of tea. we passed by a small house and heard moaning sounds coming from the window. as we drew closer we realized it was a elderly woman in bed rocking back and forth, groaning either from physical pain or from a broken heart. as we sat in our boat back to the mainland, my heart was saddened by these two elderly women, for whom Christ died, that would not have much of a chance to hear the good news tucked away on a tiny island. who was caring for them? would they die without hope? i vowed that next time i would forgo my cup of tea to take time to listen to the elderly, knowing that one day i will be one too.

cemetery stroll

This morning i decided to take a walk with my headphones in and i stumbled across a Muslim cemetery. It was well kept, as far as Turkish cemeteries go, with rock paths and patches of grass. As it was the Sacrifice Holiday this week, many fresh flowers were on the graves and people would come to pray for their dead. I strolled along the path reading the tombstones of each grave. Some were of children who died the day they were born or in early childhood. Others were older graves, like one where the date of birth was 1337 and the date of death was 1997. When Ataturk changed the Turkish calendar from the Islamic calendar to the Gregorian calendar, the dates changed from 1300s to the 1900s. so the man was not 660 years old but actually 60 years old! But the saddest parts of the tombstones were the inscriptions, which represented real people who lived and died in real time and are now in a Christless eternity. Many of them would say Aunt, Uncle, Grandma and maybe what they did in life for a living, the Butcher, Banker, Coffee Maker. Their identities being in their family or their jobs. Some were inscribed with how good of a person they were, how they would rest in peace or even be happy in the afterlife.

Most tombstones were inscribed with the words "Surah Fatiha," which is the first chapter of the Qur'an. Verse 4 says, "the Owner of the Day of Judgement," which means after death there will be Day of Judgement on which one's deeds are accounted for. Before the Day of Judgement and after death, there are grave questions, which are to be answered correctly based on practices while alive. The 3 questions are as follows:
Who is your Lord?
What is your Religion?
Who is your messenger(prophet)?

As i wandered around in sadness, i was listening to Newsboys song called You are my King:

I'm forgiven because You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well, Your Spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?

It made me think of how Christ died like these people did, but He rose again, and therefore, i will rise again too one day. These Turks don't know the amazing love of God that their King had died for them. these truths made me sad but at the same time enlivened my spirit with a new vigor to tell those around me of this amazing love and that they too can be forgiven and call Jesus "Lord" at the end of their lives.

Culture at the vet

I took our cat, Sunny, to out Turkish vet last week. As i was waiting in the sitting room, i became a part of a conversation between the vet and a lady whose rabbit had just died.
"But i can't bear to tell her that it died, so i lied to her and said that we had to take it to the hospital."
The vet replied,"of course, we will keep to that story when she comes in."
"Should i tell her that the rabbit died? She cries every day now about it."
"The best thing to do is to tell her the truth, she needs to deal with the realities of life at a young age. If you don't tell her now, then when a relative dies and you lie to her, she will not be ready to deal with reality of death then either."
"Ok, i will tell her then."
(she turns to me at this point to ask my opinion on the subject matter)
The vet continued, "but we will tell her that the rabbit died in the hospital so as to not make you out to be liar!"
This discussion was a good window into the Turkish culture of lying to protect our loved ones from pain. Often they don't not tell a loved one that their relative has died and so hide it from them as much as they can. My biblical response: speak the truth in love. often times as Westerners we speak the truth too abruptly without thought of the affect it might have on the hearer. But living in turkey has often made me question my cultural values: are they biblical ones as well or just cultural? Yes, lying is wrong and one of the sins that God hates. (proverbs 6:16-17) But how and when we go about telling the truth might be a cultural value. So God give me the grace to tell the truth and the wisdom to know when and how to do it!

permissions granted!

Another example of God's grace....the operating permissions for Sakintepe were granted not by the officials but by our Lord, the Ruler of heaven and earth. While brad sat in the municipality office waiting to see the head man who would sign the permissions, he talked with several other businessmen who were not granted their operating permissions. We realized that our previous denial was not against us as Christians or even as Americans, but just a part of living here in Turkey. They too were suffering the consequences of a difficult government. So was it finding someone who knew someone in the office, or was it drinking a zillion cups of tea, or was it our perseverance in calling different key people, or was it anything we had done to make this possible? i believe that we have to be faithful in what He has called us to do, but really it has nothing to do with us. He is the sovereign God who moves hands, removes kings, who causes people to sign permissions. As i was recently reading in Job, i came across these words, "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." (Job 42:1-2)It is a comfort to know that His plans cannot be thwarted by men and that He will do what He wants with this retreat center, and all to His glory! I just sit back and marvel at the works of His hand and His intervention on the behalf of His children, whom He dearly loves.

peacemaking in action

We have studied peacemaking for several years, taking classes and being trained as mediators. It seems simple to make peace when it is other people's conflict. But when it is your own conflict, it is a different story:) One of my language learners we will call Martha needed a second language helper, so I found a university student and took her over to meet Martha. Unfortunately, there was a language lesson going on already at the house and the first language helper we will call Ayse was not happy about bringing in a new gal to help out. "What did we need her for? Am I not good enough?" She did not voice these thoughts but her body language spoke volumes. So from then on, Ayse gave me the cold shoulder and practiced what we call küsmek in Turkish, which means not speaking to another person. I tried to get her attention by smiling or talking to her, but to no avail. So one time when I knew she would be having a lesson with Martha, I popped in to talk to her. I practiced my peacemaking principles of a good apology after she explained that culturally I should not have done what I did. We hugged and "made up", but she continued to be cold toward me. Then at a ladies retreat, she came over to me, and gave me a real hug and told me how special I was. It was then that I knew the Spirit had done His work in her heart and she had truly forgiven me. It was a testimony to those around us of living in unity and an answer to Martha's prayers! I am learning to "live at peace with everyone, as far as it depends on me." (Rom 12:18)

Art Class discussions

I go to an art class every Monday. It is a porcelain painting class where we learn to paint old Ottoman designs on pottery shaped into plates, bowls and vases. Right now I am working on a six tile design that Brad will make into an end table. At these classes there are about 10 of us ladies painting away while we sip tea and of course do what women do best, talk! We chat about all areas of our lives: politics, kids, husbands, husbands to be, in-laws, neighbors, religion, etc. I pray every monday morning that God will give me a chance to share my faith with these ladies. I have had several opportunities as some of these ladies have children who are married to "Christians". I invited them all to our Christmas program and two showed up. I have talked about what we believe and how we differ from Catholics and Orthodox. So now that Easter is approaching, I prayed for an opportunity to share about the cross and resurrection. It seemed like the conversation was dwindling and so before I left, I mentioned that I would not be coming next week due to our religious holiday. Everyone perked up...what holiday is that? So I began to explain that it is when Jesus died on a Friday and rose from the dead on a Sunday. What? rose from the dead? Do you believe that? It was first time some of these ladies, who are quite modern and well read, had heard that story. It reminded me again of the awesome privilege we have of being in this country and sharing with most people for the very first time!

In embracing lies rest

One of my favorite poems is one of Amy Carmichael called In Acceptance Lieth Peace. I have been contemplating accepting God's will for my life and becoming content in that good, pleasing and perfect will of God (Rom 12:2) I see that the example of our Lord's "unflappable" life in the Gospels was a result of His knowing the will of God and accepting it. He wrestled with God His Father in the garden about the cup of suffering that was inevitable, since it has been planned since before the foundation of the world. But once he accepted it, he learned to embrace it. (john 18:11 "Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?") I too am learning not only to know the will of God for me, not only to accept it, not only to become content in it, but to actually embrace it as from the hands of a loving, good, sovereign Father. As a weaned child can sit in her mother's lap without wrestling in want of more, i am learning to sit in my Father's lap calmly, and be at rest. Instead of trying to figure out things that i don't or that i cannot know, i will be still and in humility accept his plan for me.

(Psalm 131)
My heart is not proud, O LORD,
My eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

Another year of living in ankara, living separately from brad for much of the time, of waiting on the Lord to build the Cleft, another year of enjoying Melissa, of ministering to people here...these are all part of His plan. May it be a year of embracing and rest.

self-confidence vs. pride

i have been pondering much lately on the worldly definition of self-confidence vs the biblical definition of pride. Before i would not have equated the two. I would have said that you can be self-confident, a good quality to have and instill in your children, without being proud. But now i believe that cannot be the case. Paul says in Philippians 3:3 that he puts no confidence in the flesh. My confidence should only come from Him. So what does that look like, this God-confidence? I sometimes can't tell the difference between striving in my own strength and laboring according to the power that works within me (Col 1:29). When am i operating on my own strength and thus having self-confidence, and when am i working with His power? I am learning that it comes down to dependence. Just as the branch is totally dependent on the vine for any source of strength or life (John 15), so i must be dependent on him for even my daily breath. I know i can do nothing without him, but do i act like it? or do i go about my day without a thought of how much i need him? am i desperately and hopelessly dependent on him? it is a paradigm shift of thought and attitude for me. we are taught to be self-sufficient not needing anyone else; that transfers to our Lord as well. So he is teaching me that my self-confidence is nothing more than pride. After all, all my abilities, my gifts, my language, all that make me who I am, are from the Father of lights who gives every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). so without Him, i a really nothing anyway. Pride is so deceitful to think that we are something when we are not. So i am learning to root out this sin of pride that rears its ugly head in the form of justified self-confidence and clothe myself with humility,which i am learning from my fellow Yoke-bearer, who is gentle and humble in heart. (Matt 11:28-30)

Not a lighter!

Our guard who lives up on site in Bolu was looking for a lighter. As he searched in the drawers in the office, he came across what looked like a lighter. so he pulled the lever and it sprayed. Soon he was one the phone with Brad in a panic! "My wife and I are dying, I think we need to go to the hospital!! I think we have been poisoned; we can't breathe!" After Brad calmed him down and asked him the details of what happened, he realized that what the guard grabbed for was not indeed a lighter but bear mace!